1 00:00:00,130 --> 00:00:02,100 Previously on Queer as Folk: 2 00:00:02,100 --> 00:00:03,800 I don't get why everyone left. 3 00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:08,010 It's one of the great mysteries of life... why do queers desert one club for another. 4 00:00:08,010 --> 00:00:11,110 You can't leave the diner, Debbie, you are the diner. 5 00:00:11,110 --> 00:00:13,520 Lipo and brow lift. 6 00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:16,070 So why not just have a little snip and clip and be done with it. 7 00:00:16,070 --> 00:00:18,410 I'd like to apply for the job. 8 00:00:18,410 --> 00:00:23,120 I know I don't have any qualifications... but if you could just give me a chance. 9 00:00:24,420 --> 00:00:27,790 Holy shit, would you look how long that line is? 10 00:00:27,790 --> 00:00:32,670 We can either work out an equitable agreement between Jenny Rebecca's three parents, 11 00:00:32,670 --> 00:00:35,790 or we can go to court and let a judge resolve this. 12 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:09,220 I know, everybody says Tuscany, the di Amalfi coast...- Positano, Ravello... 13 00:02:09,220 --> 00:02:11,740 Oh my God, the most beautiful place I've ever seen. 14 00:02:11,740 --> 00:02:15,120 And not to mention the men. - No, let's mention the men. 15 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:18,410 I mean, is there any Italian with less than an 8-inch cock? 16 00:02:18,730 --> 00:02:21,680 How long you guys have been togther? - Four years - Four weeks. 17 00:02:21,980 --> 00:02:23,880 You guys got to get your stories straight. - It's complicated. 18 00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:26,130 Obviously... - What about you? 19 00:02:26,130 --> 00:02:28,020 Going on ten years. 20 00:02:28,020 --> 00:02:30,400 Shit! That's amazing, how do you do it? 21 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,520 I'm not sure I want to hear this. - Communication, 22 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:36,100 Honesty. - Respect. - And a lot of fucking around. 23 00:02:36,100 --> 00:02:38,580 A couple that plays together, stays together. 24 00:02:38,580 --> 00:02:40,020 That's what I've always said. 25 00:02:40,370 --> 00:02:42,550 Nothing will kill a marriage faster than monogamy. 26 00:02:42,550 --> 00:02:44,190 Yeah, tried that for about six months. 27 00:02:44,190 --> 00:02:48,450 Really split us up. He started lying, sleeping around... - You caught me fucking the neighbour. 28 00:02:48,450 --> 00:02:51,430 Instead of kicking him out, I thought "this guy is hot!", so... 29 00:02:51,430 --> 00:02:53,670 I joined them. - Solved all of our problems. 30 00:02:54,030 --> 00:02:58,440 In these sorry times of faggots hurling themselves like lemmings into the sea of matrimony, 31 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:03,310 it's refreshing to find a couple who're hung, but not hung up. 32 00:03:04,230 --> 00:03:05,860 So how about we hook up again? 33 00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:10,690 We have a strict rule not to see anyone twice. 34 00:03:11,850 --> 00:03:12,490 But... 35 00:03:13,010 --> 00:03:14,490 since there are two of you... 36 00:03:53,460 --> 00:03:57,740 Okay, I'm a lowly writer-professor, for Christ sakes, not an MIT graduate. 37 00:03:58,100 --> 00:04:01,050 You need an advanced degree to put this fucking crib together. 38 00:04:01,050 --> 00:04:04,200 You're gonna have to watch that potty mouth of yours once J.R. arrives. 39 00:04:05,950 --> 00:04:11,050 It's official. According to the State of Pennsylvania I know have one-third custody of my daughter. 40 00:04:11,050 --> 00:04:13,220 Congratulations... 41 00:04:15,090 --> 00:04:17,700 I could have more if Brian hadn't stuck his nose in. 42 00:04:17,700 --> 00:04:20,210 Hey, hey, it's not his fault. 43 00:04:20,210 --> 00:04:23,270 He's the one who convinced Lindsey to fight for custody! 44 00:04:23,270 --> 00:04:27,360 Paid for her goddamn lawyer! - Well, she's J.R.'s mother too, it's only fair. 45 00:04:28,410 --> 00:04:29,910 I suppose. 46 00:04:30,350 --> 00:04:33,440 So now I get to split a baby three ways. 47 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:39,070 You know, as long as she's loved and cared for, I'm sure it'll all work out. 48 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:45,020 Would you help me put this thing together, before I lose my fucking... 49 00:04:47,750 --> 00:04:49,620 Yes, before I lose my mind. 50 00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:52,520 Your eggs are up. 51 00:04:53,090 --> 00:04:55,440 Wheat or rye, buttered or dry? 52 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:58,050 Err, rye dry. - Rye dry. 53 00:04:58,050 --> 00:05:00,610 Sweetheart? - Yes? 54 00:05:00,610 --> 00:05:02,920 Will you sit down? Please? 55 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,750 Stop waiting on me like I was in the diner? 56 00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:08,200 I guess old habits die hard. 57 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:10,640 You wanted bacon, extra crispy... 58 00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:13,030 If you don't stop... 59 00:05:13,470 --> 00:05:14,960 I'm not leaving you a tip. 60 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:17,940 Oh, and I was counting on a big one tonight. 61 00:05:17,940 --> 00:05:21,640 Honey... you're getting more than just a tip. 62 00:05:22,940 --> 00:05:24,610 Why, Carl Horbath... 63 00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:29,500 The more I'm around you the more I can't keep my hands off you. 64 00:05:31,390 --> 00:05:32,830 You're not bored, are you? 65 00:05:33,230 --> 00:05:35,200 Fucking our brains out? - No. 66 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:36,220 Not working. 67 00:05:36,750 --> 00:05:38,220 Are you kidding? 68 00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,500 I don't know why I waited so long. 69 00:05:42,660 --> 00:05:45,090 I finally have my life all to myself. 70 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:49,060 So what's on our lady of leisure's agenda for today? 71 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:51,920 Oh, a matinee, 72 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:55,090 interplay... perhaps a piece of Mauler. 73 00:05:55,090 --> 00:05:56,480 A piece of what? 74 00:05:57,610 --> 00:06:02,230 Thank God hanging around Libery Avenue made you a sex maniac and not a showtune queen. 75 00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:06,410 I'm going to go buy some pajamas. 76 00:06:07,230 --> 00:06:10,000 All of mine seem to be disappearing. - That's because I took them. 77 00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:13,310 I should've known! 78 00:06:13,710 --> 00:06:16,750 It was too good to be true, a cross dresser! 79 00:06:17,380 --> 00:06:22,390 You're sexier without them. - You know what this is, don't you. It is grand theft pajamas. 80 00:06:22,390 --> 00:06:25,390 I could have you arrested. But... 81 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:28,290 I'd prefer to have you work it off. 82 00:06:34,220 --> 00:06:37,790 Good morning Brian, got these files we talked about, the Gerber accounts... 83 00:06:37,790 --> 00:06:41,780 Greenwald accounts, and payroll. 84 00:06:41,780 --> 00:06:45,800 I was up till one in the morning, got to get everything all signed and sealed. 85 00:06:46,530 --> 00:06:49,540 Now there's really nothing left to do for the next few days. 86 00:06:49,540 --> 00:06:52,070 I'm kind of free as a bird. 87 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:59,040 Listen, I need to take a little time off. 88 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,040 Vacation? 89 00:07:01,690 --> 00:07:03,210 Sabbatical? 90 00:07:03,210 --> 00:07:06,760 Drug binge? - A small medical procedure. 91 00:07:07,110 --> 00:07:09,600 Finally getting that penile enlargement? 92 00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:12,410 When are you leaving? 93 00:07:12,410 --> 00:07:13,540 Tomorrow. 94 00:07:13,540 --> 00:07:17,530 I know, it's short notice but they had a cancellation they said they can fit me in. But... 95 00:07:17,530 --> 00:07:20,610 I'll be back in a week. Ten days, tops. 96 00:07:20,950 --> 00:07:22,610 So what are you having done? 97 00:07:24,290 --> 00:07:26,620 What makes you think I'm having anything done? 98 00:07:26,620 --> 00:07:30,410 Um, the endless hours you spend pulling your face back? 99 00:07:30,410 --> 00:07:32,410 Smoothing your stomache? 100 00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:35,620 Spill. 101 00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:37,620 Uh, you know. 102 00:07:38,130 --> 00:07:39,620 Nothing major... 103 00:07:40,130 --> 00:07:45,260 Brow lift, blepharoplasty on my upper and lower eyelids, precision contour and liposuction on my gut. 104 00:07:46,020 --> 00:07:47,720 What price beauty. 105 00:07:48,340 --> 00:07:49,680 It ain't cheap. 106 00:07:49,980 --> 00:07:52,680 However, they are sucking my chin out for free. 107 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:59,090 They way gay men are obsessed with youth and beauty! 108 00:07:59,090 --> 00:08:03,560 An entire subculture convinced that the meaning of happiness is no love handles. 109 00:08:03,770 --> 00:08:04,890 How pathetic. 110 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:07,540 How tragic. 111 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:10,120 How profitable. - Go ahead, 112 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:12,230 mock my endeavors at self improvement. 113 00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:15,650 You know, not all of us are as lucky as you. We all can't be Brian Kinney. 114 00:08:15,650 --> 00:08:18,510 The rest of us poor schlobs, we have to work twice as hard to look half as good. 115 00:08:18,510 --> 00:08:22,090 I'm sorry Theodore, I don't mean to impune your noble efforts, 116 00:08:22,090 --> 00:08:24,090 I just think you're making a big mistake... 117 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:27,700 ...not getting that penile enlargement. 118 00:08:31,550 --> 00:08:34,050 She's so adorable! 119 00:08:34,050 --> 00:08:35,220 Can I take her home? 120 00:08:35,220 --> 00:08:38,720 Sure, why not, everybody else is. 121 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:42,830 I didn't know you had a guest. 122 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:45,070 Justin's not a guest. 123 00:08:45,070 --> 00:08:47,940 Didn't we agree you're going to ring the bell, not just pop in? 124 00:08:47,940 --> 00:08:49,940 Hey Lindsey... 125 00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:52,830 Hello Justin. 126 00:08:53,330 --> 00:08:55,890 I haven't seen you since you've been back from L.A. - I know... 127 00:08:55,890 --> 00:08:58,440 I was planning on calling but I don't have your new number. 128 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,200 I'm sure Brian could've given it to you. 129 00:09:03,540 --> 00:09:04,990 So how's Gus? 130 00:09:05,770 --> 00:09:08,690 Gus is doing great. He's growing as we speak. 131 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:10,690 He's even starting to read. 132 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:16,690 You go away for a few months and everything changes! - No shit. 133 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,690 I have fallen hopelessly in love with your daughter. 134 00:09:20,690 --> 00:09:22,730 Well, she's pretty irresistable. - Yeah. 135 00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:25,410 I found this fleece sleepwear for the baby. 136 00:09:25,410 --> 00:09:27,530 It's starting to get chilly. - Tell me about it. 137 00:09:27,530 --> 00:09:30,440 I got three: one for you, one for me and one for when she's with Michael. 138 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:32,020 You have to remind me? 139 00:09:32,020 --> 00:09:34,020 We all have to make sure she's taken care of. 140 00:09:34,020 --> 00:09:35,540 Oh, you've seen to that! 141 00:09:35,540 --> 00:09:38,300 Thanks to you I have to hand my daughter over to some stranger. 142 00:09:38,300 --> 00:09:40,630 Michael is hardly a stranger. - Why, he might as well be. 143 00:09:40,630 --> 00:09:42,820 What does he know about taking care of an infant? 144 00:09:42,820 --> 00:09:45,790 She should be with me instead of being tossed around like a fucking football. 145 00:09:45,790 --> 00:09:48,210 Maybe I'd better go. - No, we're going to have tea, goddamnit! 146 00:09:48,210 --> 00:09:50,760 I'll get it. - You don't live here anymore, remember? 147 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:52,380 Of course, how could I forget. 148 00:09:52,380 --> 00:09:53,950 Well if you would've listened to me and done what I said, 149 00:09:53,950 --> 00:09:57,130 we wouldn't be playing this game of "baby baby, who's got the baby". 150 00:09:59,130 --> 00:10:00,960 That's what's killing you, isn't it. 151 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:04,420 It has nothing to do with the baby or the custody agreement. 152 00:10:04,900 --> 00:10:10,050 It has to do with you, Melanie Marcus, not getting her way, not having complete control over everything. 153 00:10:10,050 --> 00:10:12,470 Well, tough shit, you don't. 154 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:16,680 So get used to it. 155 00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:19,800 Um, I'll get the tea. 156 00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:29,830 Swim! Swim, come on, pull! 157 00:10:31,210 --> 00:10:32,470 Finish it off! 158 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:39,740 How did I do? Two tenths of a second off your personal best. - Fucking A. 159 00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:42,790 It's because I'm nailing those flip turns. - Bet you ten bucks it's your place. 160 00:10:42,790 --> 00:10:43,950 Think so? - Know so. 161 00:10:43,950 --> 00:10:46,840 Alright everybody, let's gather up, let's go! 162 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:48,840 Good practice! 163 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:50,130 Very good! 164 00:10:50,130 --> 00:10:53,540 You swim this hard in two days and we'll hold our heads high at the meet. 165 00:10:53,540 --> 00:10:57,900 Now go get a good meal, get some sleep, and don't strain anything. 166 00:10:57,900 --> 00:10:59,550 Are you winners? - Yeah! 167 00:10:59,550 --> 00:11:02,790 I asked you, are you winners? - Yeah! - That's more like it. 168 00:11:02,790 --> 00:11:05,110 And put away the toys before you scrub down. 169 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:08,880 Hey, I gotta say, first I had my doubts but Hunter's coming through gangbusters. 170 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:12,290 I always knew he can do it, he just needed some incentive and some support. 171 00:11:12,550 --> 00:11:15,720 And friends. - And having a parent that's willing to take the time to work with him. 172 00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:18,040 Thanks. Appreciate it, coach. 173 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:20,280 I'll see you at the meet. 174 00:11:26,810 --> 00:11:27,720 Good swim. 175 00:11:28,180 --> 00:11:29,920 Yeah, thanks, you too. 176 00:11:32,830 --> 00:11:34,980 Yo Hunter, you coming? - Yeah. 177 00:11:36,940 --> 00:11:39,220 Hey Hunter, we're going! - Wait up! 178 00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:44,740 Look, I know you think my getting a little work done is a frivolous expense, 179 00:11:44,740 --> 00:11:47,060 a foolish excersize in vanity. However, 180 00:11:47,060 --> 00:11:51,000 I just had the most fabulous idea for my next segment. 181 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:54,780 Queer guy follows you through your entire surgery. 182 00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:56,780 Every little snip and clip. 183 00:11:56,780 --> 00:12:01,060 Then, I bring you on my show, 184 00:12:01,060 --> 00:12:03,680 for the big reveal. 185 00:12:06,830 --> 00:12:07,900 Or, 186 00:12:07,900 --> 00:12:12,610 I go with my avocado night-repair mask, as planned. 187 00:12:12,610 --> 00:12:14,320 Stick with the guacamole. 188 00:12:15,290 --> 00:12:18,110 But promise me, no matter how I come out, 189 00:12:18,110 --> 00:12:20,290 you'll still love me. - Honey, 190 00:12:20,290 --> 00:12:22,470 I never loved you for your looks to begin with. 191 00:12:22,470 --> 00:12:24,980 Not that there's a damn thing wrong with them. 192 00:12:24,980 --> 00:12:27,910 But if this is what you want to do, then I'm behind you. 193 00:12:27,910 --> 00:12:29,960 I've never mentioned I'm getting that done too. 194 00:12:31,010 --> 00:12:34,400 Make room, boys! - Ah, little Debbie, 195 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:36,670 come home. - Yeah, just like a boomerang. 196 00:12:36,670 --> 00:12:38,050 Or Lassie. 197 00:12:38,050 --> 00:12:40,160 It's just like Norma Desmond making her comeback. 198 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,140 I believe it was "return". 199 00:12:42,310 --> 00:12:45,130 I was just passing by, so I thought I'd poke my head in and see how things are going. 200 00:12:45,130 --> 00:12:47,130 Oh, things are going great! 201 00:12:48,460 --> 00:12:49,330 Yeah? 202 00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:51,130 I mean, 203 00:12:51,950 --> 00:12:54,170 it sure isn't the same without you... 204 00:12:54,170 --> 00:12:56,700 aah, what about you? - Well, 205 00:12:56,700 --> 00:12:58,240 since I've stopped working, 206 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:02,240 Carl and I are getting plenty of exercise, if you get my drift. 207 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:04,910 Yeah, it drifts all the way to my room. 208 00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:07,050 So I bought myself a new warmup suit. 209 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:13,290 Yeah, that'll warm him up alright. - Dear... 210 00:13:13,290 --> 00:13:17,920 God, it's like a glory hole for straights. 211 00:13:18,180 --> 00:13:22,230 Okay, here you go boys... hey, Deb! When did you get here? 212 00:13:22,850 --> 00:13:23,950 I... ah... 213 00:13:23,950 --> 00:13:26,950 a couple of minutes ago, hi Loretta, I just stopped by to see... 214 00:13:26,950 --> 00:13:31,230 Hold that thought for one second. Spinach salad, dressing on the side for the queer guy, 215 00:13:31,230 --> 00:13:34,330 Chilli cheese, fries and a vanilla shake for the teddy bear. 216 00:13:34,330 --> 00:13:35,220 thanks a lot. 217 00:13:35,220 --> 00:13:36,930 Are you sure you should be eating that? 218 00:13:36,930 --> 00:13:39,590 Hey, what goes in today, gets sucked out tomorrow. 219 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,050 Oh, I'm sorry Deb, what were you saying? 220 00:13:42,470 --> 00:13:45,020 Yeah, I was just asking, you know, how things are going. 221 00:13:45,020 --> 00:13:47,290 Hey Loretta, do you got any equal? 222 00:13:47,290 --> 00:13:49,590 Yeah. Wonder woman. 223 00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:51,870 I'm doing fucking great. 224 00:13:51,870 --> 00:13:53,150 She's doing fucking great. 225 00:13:53,150 --> 00:13:56,020 In fact, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear it was you. 226 00:13:56,470 --> 00:13:57,870 Yeah, me too. 227 00:13:57,870 --> 00:14:01,760 So what can I get you? Pink plate special today is codfish balls. 228 00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:04,240 What did they do with the rest of the codfish. 229 00:14:08,130 --> 00:14:10,190 Um, I'll have a bowl of pea soup, 230 00:14:10,190 --> 00:14:12,720 and please don't tell me that Pete pissed in it. 231 00:14:13,490 --> 00:14:15,380 Hey Lo, where's my tuna wrap? 232 00:14:15,380 --> 00:14:17,940 Any guy eating tuna here, is in the wrong joint. 233 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,660 I'll bring you chicken noodle. 234 00:14:22,750 --> 00:14:24,390 She's a hoot, isn't she? 235 00:14:25,100 --> 00:14:25,990 Yeah... 236 00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:28,640 A hoot and a half. 237 00:14:31,460 --> 00:14:33,120 So, how was rehearsal? 238 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,530 Oh, it's called practice. - Right. 239 00:14:35,530 --> 00:14:37,310 I kept my kick down. - And his head up. 240 00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:39,870 And I beat my best time by two tenths of a second. 241 00:14:39,870 --> 00:14:43,890 That's awesome dude, right on! I can't wait to come to the performance, I'll be there front row center. 242 00:14:43,890 --> 00:14:46,900 It's a meet, and they're called bleachers. - Yeah. 243 00:14:46,900 --> 00:14:51,620 Hey, up until now all I knew about swimming was from watching Esther Willams films with Ma. 244 00:14:51,620 --> 00:14:54,700 Ever seen the one where she rises up out of the water with the sparklers coming out her head? 245 00:14:54,700 --> 00:14:55,790 Hey boys. 246 00:14:55,790 --> 00:14:58,470 Hey, Brian. Come on pal, let's go carb up. 247 00:15:03,170 --> 00:15:05,360 You mind if I put this up? 248 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:08,860 Hard heroes night? 249 00:15:08,860 --> 00:15:11,650 Every superhero fantasy you ever had... 250 00:15:11,650 --> 00:15:13,050 coming true. 251 00:15:14,730 --> 00:15:18,010 Well in that case, I'm not sure it's appropriate for my younger clientele. 252 00:15:18,010 --> 00:15:21,340 Well, if your younger clientele is drooling over those bulging biceps 253 00:15:21,340 --> 00:15:23,810 and bountiful baskets the way you did, 254 00:15:23,810 --> 00:15:25,990 they are going to grow up to be fags anyway. So... 255 00:15:26,410 --> 00:15:27,640 what's the difference. 256 00:15:28,230 --> 00:15:29,520 Yeah, okay. 257 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:35,840 I expect you to be there. 258 00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:37,520 Don't think so. 259 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:41,160 Well, with work and fixing up the house, these days we get to bed pretty early. 260 00:15:41,650 --> 00:15:43,810 Superheroes, Mikey! 261 00:15:46,130 --> 00:15:49,200 Superman on Superman action. 262 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:54,140 I'll make you a deal. 263 00:15:55,180 --> 00:15:58,300 I'll come check out your new place if you come check out ours. 264 00:15:59,820 --> 00:16:02,480 Just like when we showed each other our dicks. 265 00:16:03,460 --> 00:16:04,160 Deal. 266 00:16:04,730 --> 00:16:07,390 Ben and I are having our new neighbours over for dinner tomorrow, 267 00:16:07,390 --> 00:16:09,390 why don't you and Justin join us. 268 00:16:11,270 --> 00:16:12,240 Fabulous. 269 00:16:13,820 --> 00:16:15,060 I'll bring a bottle. 270 00:16:15,060 --> 00:16:16,320 Red would be nice. 271 00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:17,690 I meant poppers. 272 00:16:24,530 --> 00:16:25,590 Interesting. 273 00:16:26,740 --> 00:16:28,240 Not bad. 274 00:16:30,220 --> 00:16:32,090 This one is intriguing. 275 00:16:32,390 --> 00:16:36,110 I've always responded to the raw, unfinished quality of your work. 276 00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:40,610 Is that a compliment, or are you letting me down easy? 277 00:16:40,610 --> 00:16:43,770 Well, if you're asking me if I'd consider you for the emerging artists show, 278 00:16:44,270 --> 00:16:46,410 the answer is yes. 279 00:16:47,330 --> 00:16:48,920 Thanks Linds. 280 00:16:50,020 --> 00:16:52,150 But I don't want to take advantage of our friendship. 281 00:16:52,150 --> 00:16:55,690 I don't consider it taken advantage of, provided the work is good. 282 00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,430 And that we're still friends. 283 00:16:59,430 --> 00:17:00,740 Why wouldn't we be? 284 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,880 Often, at times where couples break up, 285 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:06,890 friends gravitate towards one person or the other. 286 00:17:06,890 --> 00:17:11,060 So I wouldn't be surprised or hurt if you decided to gravitate towards Mel. 287 00:17:12,730 --> 00:17:13,580 Well... 288 00:17:16,700 --> 00:17:18,300 Actually, I would. 289 00:17:19,660 --> 00:17:21,220 I could never do that. 290 00:17:21,530 --> 00:17:23,720 You have always been... 291 00:17:24,170 --> 00:17:25,680 Mel and Linds. 292 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:29,590 From the very beginning, when I first met Brian, you two were there for me. 293 00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:32,490 A shoulder to cry on, a couch to sleep on... 294 00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:34,730 I could never take sides. 295 00:17:36,070 --> 00:17:37,400 I love you both. 296 00:17:39,180 --> 00:17:42,110 Well, there's one thing Mel and I still agree on. 297 00:17:43,370 --> 00:17:46,020 That we feel the same way about you. 298 00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:52,350 I'm just sorry you had to witness our performance. - Oh please. 299 00:17:52,790 --> 00:17:55,930 Brian and I have had a couple of academy award winners ourselves. 300 00:17:57,020 --> 00:17:57,930 So... 301 00:17:59,260 --> 00:18:02,530 is there any chance you and Mel might... - Get back together? 302 00:18:03,430 --> 00:18:05,770 I was hoping at first we could. 303 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,260 That we'd make up and all would be forgiven. 304 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,550 But now... 305 00:18:15,450 --> 00:18:17,130 I guess you would call that, 306 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:19,260 magical thinking. 307 00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,080 Well, you never know. 308 00:18:26,420 --> 00:18:27,490 Well, 309 00:18:27,490 --> 00:18:30,330 I think we should definitely consider this one. 310 00:18:31,340 --> 00:18:32,850 The exuberance... 311 00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:34,850 The optimism. 312 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:42,310 You're getting a 8.5, a 10, and a 13-inch skillet, 313 00:18:42,310 --> 00:18:44,450 once you're getting away that press... 314 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:49,250 I'm off to make sure the Schnagles are still alive for their 60th anniversary party. 315 00:18:49,250 --> 00:18:53,090 And the studio, for queer guy. Don't forget to watch. 316 00:18:53,510 --> 00:18:55,440 I'm warming up the set. 317 00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:56,810 Look at you! 318 00:18:56,810 --> 00:19:00,160 Lounging in the caftan in the middle of the afternoon. 319 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:03,080 Instead of walking off your tired feet at the diner. 320 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:05,030 It's the dream of a lifetime. 321 00:19:06,700 --> 00:19:08,130 Yeah, I'm here. 322 00:19:08,430 --> 00:19:09,790 I want the griddle. 323 00:19:10,210 --> 00:19:13,300 And that last item, the olive... the olive pitter. 324 00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:16,340 And I want the citrus slicer, and the nut chopper, 325 00:19:16,340 --> 00:19:19,370 and throw in the dutch oven and the cheese grater. 326 00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:25,650 Wow, that holds a queue less than 15 seconds. 327 00:19:25,650 --> 00:19:27,360 Must be a new record. 328 00:19:28,860 --> 00:19:30,060 So what's wrong? 329 00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:32,660 Why should anything be wrong? 330 00:19:33,510 --> 00:19:34,980 Like you said, look at me. 331 00:19:35,410 --> 00:19:37,190 I'm the happiest woman in the world. 332 00:19:37,490 --> 00:19:39,650 I've got endless hours at my disposal, 333 00:19:39,650 --> 00:19:42,130 I can eat all the fucking ice cream I want, 334 00:19:42,130 --> 00:19:44,880 I can order to my heart's content on QVC. 335 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:46,880 I almost ordered a llama. 336 00:19:47,890 --> 00:19:49,760 So why should anything be wrong? 337 00:19:51,020 --> 00:19:52,330 Except that... 338 00:19:52,870 --> 00:19:54,820 bitch stole my act! 339 00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:57,770 Which bitch? 340 00:19:57,770 --> 00:20:01,230 Which bitch do you think?! That... Pye person. 341 00:20:02,590 --> 00:20:04,450 She was so innocent at first. 342 00:20:04,450 --> 00:20:08,360 I don't know how to do anything, I don't have any experience. 343 00:20:09,140 --> 00:20:10,420 Man... 344 00:20:10,420 --> 00:20:13,390 She hustled me. She hustled me good. 345 00:20:13,890 --> 00:20:15,830 And I fell for it! 346 00:20:15,830 --> 00:20:20,080 Now she's wearing my t-shirts, and my vest with my buttons! 347 00:20:25,010 --> 00:20:28,050 I should have her arrested for... identity theft. 348 00:20:28,690 --> 00:20:30,050 You know, 349 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:34,260 I think you're just having withdrawl symptoms. 350 00:20:34,260 --> 00:20:35,270 That's all. 351 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:39,220 Remember, you wanted to leave. It was your decision. 352 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,260 And as for Loretta, she's just... 353 00:20:42,550 --> 00:20:44,500 carrying on your legacy. 354 00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:46,770 Keeping the tradition alive. 355 00:20:46,770 --> 00:20:49,200 For me, I consider it the highest form of flattery. 356 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:53,030 Or the lowest form of imitation! - Don't be angry. 357 00:20:53,310 --> 00:20:55,030 Be proud! 358 00:20:55,030 --> 00:20:56,730 Pass on the mantle. 359 00:20:56,730 --> 00:21:00,680 With dignity. Always dignity. 360 00:21:03,130 --> 00:21:05,610 And don't order a llama. I'm a virgin. 361 00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:18,040 Dignity. 362 00:21:18,940 --> 00:21:21,180 Always dignity. 363 00:21:28,890 --> 00:21:30,310 It's amazing. 364 00:21:30,310 --> 00:21:33,630 That I've been soaping your crack for the past ten minutes? 365 00:21:33,630 --> 00:21:35,630 And you haven't asked me to fuck you. 366 00:21:37,420 --> 00:21:41,060 That you and I would be together, and Melanie and Lindsey would be apart. 367 00:21:41,740 --> 00:21:45,740 Well who knows what wonders does fate have in store. 368 00:21:46,020 --> 00:21:49,460 I mean, if they can't make it, who can. 369 00:21:49,460 --> 00:21:51,530 Ding, ding, ding, ding! 370 00:21:51,860 --> 00:21:53,620 And the correct answer is, 371 00:21:53,620 --> 00:21:55,990 noone! - Stop being cynical. 372 00:21:55,990 --> 00:21:58,450 I'm not... being cynical. 373 00:21:58,860 --> 00:22:00,450 I'm being... - Realistic? 374 00:22:01,310 --> 00:22:04,130 Do you mind if I finish my own sentences? 375 00:22:05,010 --> 00:22:07,150 I despise when couples do that. 376 00:22:07,150 --> 00:22:09,580 Did you hear that, rubber ducky? He said "couples". 377 00:22:09,580 --> 00:22:11,440 I should quit while I'm ahead. 378 00:22:12,740 --> 00:22:15,350 Not before you give me some! 379 00:22:15,770 --> 00:22:18,120 Mon amour. - Mon amour... 380 00:22:18,570 --> 00:22:23,650 I love how other people's tragic marital play makes you romantic. 381 00:22:24,380 --> 00:22:25,650 Hard. 382 00:22:25,860 --> 00:22:26,920 Christ. 383 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:29,830 What a big boner! 384 00:22:30,690 --> 00:22:33,240 All the better... - To fuck you with. 385 00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:36,270 What did I just warn you... - About finishing each other's sentences. 386 00:22:40,340 --> 00:22:43,380 Marriage is a doomsday machine. 387 00:22:43,380 --> 00:22:46,330 Destined to self-destruct. 388 00:22:46,330 --> 00:22:49,630 Fortunately, however, for you and I, 389 00:22:49,950 --> 00:22:53,520 will be spared such a dismal fate. 390 00:22:58,410 --> 00:23:00,930 Life is just a bowl of fairies? 391 00:23:01,950 --> 00:23:03,670 It's one of my favorites. 392 00:23:03,670 --> 00:23:05,120 I want you to have it. 393 00:23:05,580 --> 00:23:07,250 Well thanks. 394 00:23:07,250 --> 00:23:09,810 I thought you might be a little pissed about my new look. 395 00:23:09,810 --> 00:23:13,100 I love your new look. I loved it on me! 396 00:23:16,060 --> 00:23:19,530 And I'm proud of you for doing such a great job at the diner. 397 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:20,820 Well... 398 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,660 It's easy when you have such a great teacher. 399 00:23:25,550 --> 00:23:26,970 You going somewhere? 400 00:23:28,030 --> 00:23:29,180 Ah.. 401 00:23:30,270 --> 00:23:32,850 Yeah, you might say that... I'm... 402 00:23:32,850 --> 00:23:35,530 I'm leaving. - For the weekend? 403 00:23:36,950 --> 00:23:38,400 No, for good. 404 00:23:40,210 --> 00:23:44,500 My goddamn sister told my goddamn husband Darryl where I am. 405 00:23:44,500 --> 00:23:46,210 Now he's coming to get me. 406 00:23:46,210 --> 00:23:47,560 So where are you going? 407 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:51,700 I haven't had time to figure it out yet, but I know I can't be here when he shows up. 408 00:23:51,700 --> 00:23:55,680 Now just hold on, you also can't just run away! - I can and I am. 409 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:59,180 When the asshole shows up, just tell him to go fuck off! 410 00:24:01,250 --> 00:24:03,660 You do not tell Darryl Pye to fuck off. 411 00:24:03,660 --> 00:24:05,460 No sir, no way. 412 00:24:05,460 --> 00:24:07,860 And that's a fact. - Well here's another one. 413 00:24:07,860 --> 00:24:10,960 Where ever you go, he's going to find you the next time, too. 414 00:24:13,010 --> 00:24:14,430 So what do I do? 415 00:24:17,310 --> 00:24:18,910 I'll give you another t-shirt. 416 00:24:19,380 --> 00:24:21,400 You can wear it when he arrives. 417 00:24:22,030 --> 00:24:23,610 And what does that one say? 418 00:24:23,610 --> 00:24:25,610 It doesn't say anything. 419 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:27,610 It's got this on it. 420 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:32,780 Darryl will get the message. 421 00:24:43,010 --> 00:24:46,130 If you want tulips this spring, you have to plant the bulbs now. 422 00:24:46,130 --> 00:24:50,290 Same with hyacinths. - Ilay is the gardner in the family, I'm the chef. 423 00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:54,860 Well, rose bushes on each side of the front walk would look fabulous. 424 00:24:55,810 --> 00:25:00,350 I remember when I was a kid, planting pansies in the front yard with my mom. 425 00:25:00,350 --> 00:25:02,300 And look what bloomed! 426 00:25:02,300 --> 00:25:05,190 Which one of you is the gardner, and which one is the chef? 427 00:25:05,190 --> 00:25:06,810 I really like cooking. 428 00:25:06,810 --> 00:25:10,810 I and love planting my seed in some hole. 429 00:25:14,670 --> 00:25:15,870 In the ground. 430 00:25:18,530 --> 00:25:21,960 By the way, I brought you that petition. - Oh yeah, great, we'll be happy to sign. 431 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,320 Trying to get the city to put in speed bumps. 432 00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:27,700 The way that some people come racing down the street, you'd think it was a drag strip. 433 00:25:27,700 --> 00:25:30,120 I doubt Brian's very interested in speed bumps. 434 00:25:30,120 --> 00:25:34,190 On the contrary. Speed bumps are extremely important. 435 00:25:34,190 --> 00:25:36,880 Especially before you go out dancing. 436 00:25:37,470 --> 00:25:41,830 What exactly do you do, Brian? - He's president and CEO of Kinnetic. 437 00:25:41,830 --> 00:25:44,050 The top advertising agency in Pittsburgh. 438 00:25:44,050 --> 00:25:48,060 I'm also president and CEO of Babylon, the top gay dance club in Pittsburgh. 439 00:25:48,060 --> 00:25:52,060 Babylon? We haven't been there in years. 440 00:25:52,060 --> 00:25:54,060 You two should come by... 441 00:25:54,390 --> 00:25:58,800 as my personal guests. - I hardly think Babylon suits our lifestyle. 442 00:26:01,070 --> 00:26:05,220 Can I get anybody anything? - Which lifestyle is that, Monty? 443 00:26:05,220 --> 00:26:06,920 I'm Monty. 444 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:10,200 Which lifestyle is that, Monty? 445 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:15,630 Well, these days we prefer to spend quite time at home with our kids. 446 00:26:15,980 --> 00:26:19,300 Rather than in a room full of drugged up Peter Pans. 447 00:26:20,270 --> 00:26:23,870 You know, so many couples I speak to these days feel that way. 448 00:26:24,230 --> 00:26:26,610 That's why I'm starting Monogamous Mondays. 449 00:26:28,450 --> 00:26:30,090 Brian's a real kidder. 450 00:26:30,090 --> 00:26:35,090 I hardly think the kind of promiscuous behavior that Babylon promotes is a laughing matter. 451 00:26:35,090 --> 00:26:38,570 Oh come on, fellows. Don't tell me that after... 452 00:26:38,570 --> 00:26:43,210 how many did you say, ten years together, you haven't had little extra-marital ass? - Brian! 453 00:26:44,310 --> 00:26:46,350 Actually, we never have. 454 00:26:46,350 --> 00:26:49,140 It's called being in a mature, loving relationship. 455 00:26:49,140 --> 00:26:53,230 That's called being dead. - How about you help me with dessert? 456 00:26:54,810 --> 00:26:56,420 First... 457 00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:58,420 presents. 458 00:26:58,850 --> 00:26:59,760 Now, 459 00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:04,280 I hope you boys don't already have one. 460 00:27:11,030 --> 00:27:12,870 You bought us a sling? 461 00:27:12,870 --> 00:27:15,390 You told me you were furnishing a playroom. 462 00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:17,990 Not that kind of playroom. 463 00:27:17,990 --> 00:27:19,420 Oh... 464 00:27:20,330 --> 00:27:23,850 still, I'm sure you'll get hours of enjoyment from it. 465 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:31,680 So, what's for dessert? 466 00:27:41,100 --> 00:27:43,310 In our home! In front of our friends! 467 00:27:43,310 --> 00:27:46,070 You got to let it go, Michael. - I know, later than now. 468 00:27:46,070 --> 00:27:48,840 Right now I'd like to hold Brian's head underwater. 469 00:27:50,010 --> 00:27:53,200 Way to go, Callie! - Way to go honey! 470 00:27:55,730 --> 00:27:57,780 You can do it! 471 00:28:06,950 --> 00:28:10,950 Callie's parents are making fools of themselves. - Just ignore them, we're here for Hunter. 472 00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:16,610 Next up, boys 50 meter freestyle. - Oh my God, that's us. - Yep, yep. 473 00:28:23,780 --> 00:28:26,620 On your marks, get set... 474 00:28:35,890 --> 00:28:37,370 Go Hunter! 475 00:28:37,610 --> 00:28:39,530 Come on pal, come on! 476 00:28:41,980 --> 00:28:44,600 Go, go, go! 477 00:28:55,130 --> 00:28:57,120 Come on, Hunter, kick! 478 00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:01,580 Go, go, go! 479 00:29:02,330 --> 00:29:05,770 Yeah, yeah! - We won! - Yeah! 480 00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:08,690 Hunter won, go Hunter! 481 00:29:20,470 --> 00:29:22,570 Hunter, are you okay? 482 00:29:24,110 --> 00:29:26,450 Christ, I think he hurt himself! - Shit. 483 00:29:26,450 --> 00:29:28,300 Oh my God, you're bleeding... 484 00:29:28,300 --> 00:29:30,310 Coach, Hunter's hurt! 485 00:29:30,490 --> 00:29:32,380 Callie, don't! - Don't touch him! 486 00:29:32,380 --> 00:29:34,480 Get out of the pool, honey! - Oh my God... 487 00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:38,560 He's got AIDS! Get out of there! - Everybody out! Now! 488 00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:42,380 Everybody out! 489 00:29:46,310 --> 00:29:48,430 Come on pal, let's go get that looked at. 490 00:30:02,050 --> 00:30:04,040 That's a nice nose. 491 00:30:04,730 --> 00:30:07,730 Now that's what I call a chin. 492 00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:12,370 Ah! Teddy, if you don't get these cheeks, I will. 493 00:30:12,370 --> 00:30:15,030 What do you think? - I think I am going to puke. 494 00:30:15,030 --> 00:30:17,090 I warned you, didn't I? 495 00:30:17,090 --> 00:30:21,430 Didn't I warn you not to gorge yourself? - It's not that! Look at me. 496 00:30:21,430 --> 00:30:24,200 I look like a cow chart in the butcher shop. 497 00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:27,170 Just think, when they reveal the new you, 498 00:30:27,170 --> 00:30:31,640 you know, like the one with the hair lip and hump on the street makeover, you'll be weeping with joy. 499 00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:43,640 Never had any surgery before. 500 00:30:44,310 --> 00:30:46,740 Still have everything intact, you know. 501 00:30:47,210 --> 00:30:49,250 My appendix, my tonsils. 502 00:30:49,250 --> 00:30:51,600 Foreskin. - My wisdom teeth. 503 00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:54,310 This will be my first time under the knife. 504 00:30:54,310 --> 00:30:57,460 Pish... it's nothing. - You can sit there and "pish" all you want. 505 00:30:57,460 --> 00:31:01,340 I'm the one that's about to suffer severe pain for the sake of a new me. 506 00:31:02,580 --> 00:31:04,550 What if I don't like the new me? 507 00:31:05,410 --> 00:31:09,390 What's not to like? How about 30-inch waist, 508 00:31:09,390 --> 00:31:12,450 crow's feet that have flown the coup... 509 00:31:12,450 --> 00:31:14,110 cheek bones to die for. 510 00:31:14,110 --> 00:31:17,640 I'm not getting cheek bones. Should I have gotten cheek bones? Oh God. 511 00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:23,490 Maybe Brian is right. Maybe this obsession with youth and beauty is shallow, superficial, narcissistic... 512 00:31:23,490 --> 00:31:26,220 We are fags, for chrissake. 513 00:31:26,220 --> 00:31:29,430 Being obsessed with youth and beauty is our God-given right. 514 00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:31,430 Should I pull out? 515 00:31:31,750 --> 00:31:34,120 You're seriously asking me that question? 516 00:31:35,060 --> 00:31:40,880 Teddy, for as long as I have known you, you have never felt good, really good, about yourself. 517 00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:44,850 So if a few incisions and little back sucking is what it takes for you 518 00:31:44,850 --> 00:31:47,590 to finally be able to look in the mirror and smile, 519 00:31:47,590 --> 00:31:50,810 then I say it's not shallow and superficial. 520 00:31:51,300 --> 00:31:52,550 It's a blessing. 521 00:31:54,890 --> 00:31:55,980 Thank you, Em. 522 00:31:58,190 --> 00:31:59,470 Mr. Schmidt? 523 00:32:02,020 --> 00:32:03,400 Well, go on! 524 00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:07,120 Dr. DeMill is ready for your close-up. 525 00:32:15,500 --> 00:32:20,310 Yeah, okay... diapers, powder, popo-bear, 526 00:32:20,310 --> 00:32:21,680 lotion. 527 00:32:22,420 --> 00:32:24,540 Lotion. Where's the lotion? 528 00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:30,740 It's enough for a nudist colony. - Yeah, there's a baby, be prepared. 529 00:32:30,740 --> 00:32:33,270 Spoken like a true scout. 530 00:32:33,950 --> 00:32:35,270 It was a joke. 531 00:32:36,730 --> 00:32:39,050 All I have to do is express my milk. 532 00:32:39,670 --> 00:32:41,430 When's Michael picking her up? 533 00:32:41,990 --> 00:32:43,220 Tomorrow. 534 00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:46,990 Mel... 535 00:32:46,990 --> 00:32:50,270 He's better know what the fuck he's doing. - We'll find out. 536 00:32:52,050 --> 00:32:53,440 You know, I was thinking, 537 00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:55,440 why doesn't Gus stay with you tomorrow night? 538 00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:56,750 Hot date? 539 00:32:57,090 --> 00:33:00,010 No, I just thought it'd be nice for you to have some company. 540 00:33:00,010 --> 00:33:01,770 So I won't be lonely? 541 00:33:02,110 --> 00:33:05,840 Thanks, but as much as I would love to have him here, I don't need your pity. 542 00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:09,150 It's not pity. - No, it's you being gracious. 543 00:33:09,150 --> 00:33:12,060 Making a grand gesture. - I was only trying to think of you. 544 00:33:12,060 --> 00:33:14,780 Maybe you should have done that in the first place. 545 00:33:16,670 --> 00:33:19,320 Gus, honey! It's time to leave. 546 00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:24,590 I hope it goes well tomorrow. Despite what you think. 547 00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:40,890 Two hours for a fucking band aid. 548 00:33:40,890 --> 00:33:44,190 Good thing I wasn't decapitated, I'd be sitting in that goddamn emergency room 549 00:33:44,190 --> 00:33:46,190 holding my head all night. 550 00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:49,670 We're home now. - Go upstairs and relax, you'll feel better. 551 00:33:49,670 --> 00:33:52,590 Relax? - You have a concussion. 552 00:33:52,590 --> 00:33:55,520 The doctor told you... - I'm fine! There's nothing wrong with me, 553 00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:59,920 except thanks to Callie's asshole father and cunt mother... - Hey! 554 00:33:59,920 --> 00:34:01,490 Well she is! 555 00:34:01,490 --> 00:34:05,470 Now everyone at school thinks I have AIDS. - You don't have AIDS, you have HIV. 556 00:34:05,470 --> 00:34:08,540 Don't tell me, tell them. Except you don't have to. 557 00:34:09,510 --> 00:34:11,410 Because I'm never going back. 558 00:34:14,020 --> 00:34:15,830 You have nothing to be ashamed of. 559 00:34:15,830 --> 00:34:18,800 Yeah, right! - There's not. Your coach said he's going to talk to everyone and explain 560 00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:22,940 that you can't get the virus from a few drops of blood in a chlorinated pool. 561 00:34:23,590 --> 00:34:27,570 If you want to take the day off tomorrow, that's fine by us. But... 562 00:34:27,570 --> 00:34:29,430 sooner or later you're going to have to go back. 563 00:34:29,430 --> 00:34:33,120 Yeah, and when you do, you can tell them you are the 50-meter freestyle champion. 564 00:34:40,610 --> 00:34:44,360 They're supposed to be flying magnificantly through the air. 565 00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:49,230 Superheroes, not two crash test dummies in a Hyundai factory. 566 00:34:49,230 --> 00:34:52,990 Try it again! - It looks pretty good. - Pretty good is not good enough! 567 00:34:52,990 --> 00:34:55,630 When Michael sees it, I want him to lose his mind. 568 00:34:55,630 --> 00:34:59,180 And his breath, and his bladder control. 569 00:34:59,180 --> 00:35:00,290 And then what? 570 00:35:00,870 --> 00:35:04,470 Come running back to Babylon where he belongs? 571 00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:08,200 It ain't going to happen, he's happy where he is. 572 00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:13,380 Gay men cannot live on tulip beds and speed bumps alone. 573 00:35:13,690 --> 00:35:18,760 Sooner or later the Serengeti will call, and he'll pace restlessly in his cage, 574 00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:20,870 howling at the moon... 575 00:35:20,870 --> 00:35:26,100 and he'll break free from suburbia and return to the jungle, where he blongs. 576 00:35:27,970 --> 00:35:32,580 Okay! Spaz-man and klutz-boy, get it right! 577 00:35:34,830 --> 00:35:37,590 I need another mac and cheese and a turkey meatloaf. 578 00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:41,920 Excuse me maam, aren't you going to take my order? 579 00:35:45,940 --> 00:35:48,010 Hey, I didn't order this! 580 00:35:48,010 --> 00:35:49,950 Try. You'll like it. 581 00:35:52,690 --> 00:35:57,710 Now honey, before you say anything, I just want to say how truely and deeply sorry I am... 582 00:35:57,710 --> 00:35:59,600 for our little spat. 583 00:36:01,330 --> 00:36:02,730 How's your jaw? 584 00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:07,120 Well, I could chew the salisbury steak in this place, so I guess it's okay. 585 00:36:08,210 --> 00:36:10,060 Look, I know I lost my temper. 586 00:36:10,060 --> 00:36:12,060 I promise I won't do that again. 587 00:36:12,630 --> 00:36:14,440 That's what you always say. 588 00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:17,630 Come on... it's time for you to come home. 589 00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:22,340 Darryl, I... - You don't have to apologize. 590 00:36:22,850 --> 00:36:23,930 I forgive you. 591 00:36:26,260 --> 00:36:28,060 You forgive me? 592 00:36:28,060 --> 00:36:30,170 Forget all about what happened. 593 00:36:30,820 --> 00:36:32,170 Let's get your coat. 594 00:36:33,490 --> 00:36:35,360 I don't want to forget it. 595 00:36:37,570 --> 00:36:39,400 I'm not going back home. 596 00:36:39,740 --> 00:36:41,400 I'm staying here. 597 00:36:43,630 --> 00:36:47,000 What, slinging hash? In some fag diner? 598 00:36:49,310 --> 00:36:52,700 Is that way you're going to take care of yourself? To be independent? 599 00:36:53,210 --> 00:36:56,410 Now that would be funny, if it weren't so damn pitiful! 600 00:36:57,760 --> 00:36:59,200 I'm not pitiful. 601 00:37:01,770 --> 00:37:03,690 What do you think you're proving here, Loretta? 602 00:37:04,260 --> 00:37:05,880 That you're going to live without a man? 603 00:37:06,470 --> 00:37:08,050 That you're a lezzie? 604 00:37:09,490 --> 00:37:11,290 I am, Darryl. 605 00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:15,630 I am a lesbian and I'm not ashamed. 606 00:37:15,980 --> 00:37:18,170 Well, you ought to be. 607 00:37:20,730 --> 00:37:23,990 Your problem is just you haven't been getting enough recently. 608 00:37:23,990 --> 00:37:27,110 I'm going to take care of that. - No, you're not. 609 00:37:28,330 --> 00:37:30,560 Now what did you say to me? - I told you. 610 00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:34,150 I'm telling you, my truck is parked outside, now let's go! 611 00:37:38,370 --> 00:37:39,410 What tha... 612 00:37:40,100 --> 00:37:43,770 Exactly what part of "fuck off" don't you understand? 613 00:37:43,770 --> 00:37:45,040 Who the hell are you? 614 00:37:45,510 --> 00:37:47,690 I'm the one with the baseball bat. 615 00:37:49,210 --> 00:37:51,110 It's between me and my wife. 616 00:37:51,110 --> 00:37:53,110 And she's trying to tell you something. 617 00:37:53,460 --> 00:37:57,190 Only you're not getting it through your head, so maybe my friend here can help. 618 00:37:57,390 --> 00:37:59,650 Let's go, come on. - No! 619 00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:01,990 I said no! 620 00:38:03,340 --> 00:38:06,110 You are not a nice person, Darryl. 621 00:38:07,530 --> 00:38:10,620 You don't treat me with the respect I deserve. 622 00:38:11,230 --> 00:38:13,800 And I don't love you anymore. 623 00:38:19,110 --> 00:38:20,990 I hope you heard it this time. 624 00:38:25,860 --> 00:38:30,790 Now you'd better leave before me and my fag friends beat the living shit out of you. 625 00:39:10,510 --> 00:39:12,190 How's your head? 626 00:39:12,650 --> 00:39:13,880 I'll live. 627 00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:19,730 Look, I'm sorry for what happened. 628 00:39:20,150 --> 00:39:22,020 What are you sorry for? 629 00:39:22,020 --> 00:39:25,510 I'm the one who was stupid enough to believe no one would ever find out. 630 00:39:27,470 --> 00:39:29,070 Hey Callie! 631 00:39:29,070 --> 00:39:31,140 What are you wasting your time for? He's a fag! 632 00:39:31,140 --> 00:39:34,700 I hear the way he got AIDS is when old geezers fuck him up the ass. 633 00:39:34,700 --> 00:39:36,200 For cash. 634 00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:37,890 You told! 635 00:39:38,230 --> 00:39:41,080 No, I swear I didn't! - Hey, faggot! 636 00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:43,320 Here's 5 bucks, why don't you suck my cock? 637 00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:46,060 I charge way more than that for assholes like you. 638 00:39:46,060 --> 00:39:50,390 Lucas, stop it! - You want to get AIDS? Then go on, hit me, get my blood all over you! 639 00:39:51,620 --> 00:39:52,860 Come on, come on. 640 00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:54,860 Faggot! 641 00:39:58,420 --> 00:39:59,770 Are you okay? 642 00:40:29,660 --> 00:40:33,300 I'm sorry, but I can't promise you Schmidt. 643 00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:36,650 He's the hottest guy in town, even I want to fuck him. 644 00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:38,360 Ted... 645 00:40:40,290 --> 00:40:41,280 Teddy? 646 00:40:41,700 --> 00:40:45,480 I'm sowwy Bwian, you can't haf me. 647 00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:46,970 Teddy... 648 00:40:47,850 --> 00:40:49,080 Ted? 649 00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:52,520 Teddy... 650 00:40:53,710 --> 00:40:55,810 It's me. Em. 651 00:40:56,170 --> 00:40:58,950 Aah. I must've been dreaming. 652 00:40:58,950 --> 00:41:00,450 I'll say! 653 00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:04,520 How do you feel? - Like I was hit by a bus and left for dead, 654 00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:07,220 and then stepped on by an elephant. 655 00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:09,660 How do I look? 656 00:41:10,130 --> 00:41:11,930 A tad... puffy. 657 00:41:12,610 --> 00:41:17,290 But the doctor said, give it a few days and you'll be gorgeous. 658 00:41:17,290 --> 00:41:19,420 Ah-ah. Right. 659 00:41:20,060 --> 00:41:22,700 Thank you for seeing me through this, Em. 660 00:41:22,700 --> 00:41:26,900 Please. When I pull my Joan Rivers, you'll be right there with me. 661 00:41:27,330 --> 00:41:31,100 Now you lie there and rest, okay? 662 00:41:31,100 --> 00:41:34,570 And remember! No peeking. 663 00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:49,440 No peeking. 664 00:41:52,550 --> 00:41:54,870 Fuck no peeking. 665 00:41:54,870 --> 00:41:59,000 The way I feel, I'm allowed to peek. 666 00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:34,390 Ah! Did you see his face? 667 00:42:34,810 --> 00:42:36,790 Pissed as hell. 668 00:42:37,170 --> 00:42:40,810 Which is exactly what I'm going to be if I have another one of these. 669 00:42:40,810 --> 00:42:42,810 Me too. 670 00:42:44,810 --> 00:42:47,000 Another shooter! 671 00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:52,440 I'm so proud of you! 672 00:42:52,990 --> 00:42:56,720 Tell that former asshole of yours to fuck off. 673 00:42:56,720 --> 00:42:59,980 Well, I never could've done it without you and your big bat. 674 00:42:59,980 --> 00:43:01,810 Bigger than his, I'll bet. 675 00:43:02,010 --> 00:43:03,870 You better believe it. 676 00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:07,300 You don't have to be afraid of him anymore. 677 00:43:11,220 --> 00:43:13,750 I don't know how I could ever repay you, Deb. 678 00:43:16,060 --> 00:43:18,200 First you give me a new life, and... 679 00:43:18,970 --> 00:43:20,630 and then you save it. 680 00:43:21,470 --> 00:43:25,460 Honey, you don't owe me a damn thing. 681 00:43:26,450 --> 00:43:29,330 But there is something that you owe yourself. 682 00:43:29,900 --> 00:43:31,350 Happiness. 683 00:43:32,750 --> 00:43:36,440 You've been through a lot of shit, and you deserve it. 684 00:43:37,010 --> 00:43:38,980 Someone to share it with. 685 00:43:39,310 --> 00:43:41,320 Someone who'll treat you. 686 00:43:49,430 --> 00:43:52,420 I think I'd better go home before the sun comes up. 687 00:43:52,720 --> 00:43:55,970 Me too, I have the early shift at the diner. 688 00:43:55,970 --> 00:44:00,210 Well, when you open up the place, think of me in bed. 689 00:44:00,620 --> 00:44:02,090 I will. 690 00:44:12,340 --> 00:44:13,710 Love you. 691 00:44:15,890 --> 00:44:16,970 You too. 692 00:44:19,530 --> 00:44:22,010 Bye. - Bye. 693 00:44:25,610 --> 00:44:29,200 Here's the breast milk, sterilized bottles, diapers, 694 00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:31,600 bottle warmer, her blanket. 695 00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:35,190 We have blankets. - She slept with this one every night since was born. 696 00:44:35,190 --> 00:44:37,690 It's an antique Lindsey bought for her. 697 00:44:40,050 --> 00:44:41,630 We'll see she sleeps with it. 698 00:44:43,980 --> 00:44:45,680 Oh, and... 699 00:44:45,990 --> 00:44:49,920 Here are the feeding instructions. It's pretty much every three hours, or... 700 00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:52,640 when she's hungry. She'll let you know. 701 00:44:54,330 --> 00:44:57,090 Oh, and make sure the milk is warm but not too hot. 702 00:45:11,690 --> 00:45:15,020 So if anything happens, or if there are any questions... 703 00:45:15,540 --> 00:45:17,020 Yeah, we'll call. 704 00:45:25,300 --> 00:45:27,180 Goodbye, precious. 705 00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:34,820 Bye... 706 00:46:57,970 --> 00:46:59,900 He might still come. 707 00:47:00,950 --> 00:47:01,900 Fuck him. 708 00:47:04,150 --> 00:47:06,720 More caped crusaders for us.